Upsetting
Monday, January 27, 2003
  Homework

Dear Mr. Smith,

To call the Super Bowl halftime show the biggest homage to testosterone of the year explains just how pathetic and sexually repressed our country has become. Although I applaud the effort Shania Twain made by, once again, exposing her midriff, I wonder what kind of strange people she was trying to relate to with that Batwoman turned Bathooker costume. I was less offended with her lip-syncing than I was with her proud display of fetish. The entire show left me wondering why Shania didn’t just flash us all to relieve the agony.

Then there was Gwen Stefani. She’s just a girl… just a girl that I had an inclination to punch in the face. That little punker schoolgirl thing is sexy, but it has been played too long. When does she graduate from her continuation high school? Is she 18 yet? Why won’t she just flash us all and get it over with? We’re all waiting.

Question: How many past-their-prime rock stars will perform at the Super Bowl to cash-in at the end of their careers?

Question: Who fucking cares?

Yes, Sting, your sexual exploits are well documented. We know that you can fuck for 8 hours at the end of which you have an “ingasm.” Now… will you please go away? You’re taking Kylie Minogue’s spot onstage. At least she will rally millions into frenzy when she flashes us.

Thanks
 
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